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In my previous post, I opened up this idea of tapping into our sexual energy as a possible source for powering our life dreams and what matters most to us.  If it was as simple as just tapping in to a newfound energy source, wouldn’t more of us be jumping on that gravy train and yelling ‘Yeeeeehaaawwwwww!’ at the top of our lungs as we rode off into the sunset?  [Pardon the cowgirl-isms.  I really am a modern country girl at heart!]  What stops us from doing just that?  What barriers get in the way of our bliss?  Hang onto your cowboy/cowgirl hat and let’s begin to get a rope around this!
Diving into the Deep End
I recently spent an enjoyable night with a very special man in my life.  Let’s call him Robert (after the gorgeous Robert Redford … Did you see him in ‘The Horse Whisperer’?  Hubba, Hubba!).  I felt completely taken care of and cherished the whole time.  He even refrained from turning on the dryer the next morning so that it wouldn’t keep me awake – how thoughtful is that?  Driving home that morning, I was replaying the evening’s events over & over again in my head (as we women have a tendency to do).  Suddenly I had this overwhelming sadness come over me and I found myself sobbing for a solid 30 minutes.  I couldn’t easily explain the reason for my sudden outburst, but decided it best to explore what was there lurking below the surface of the tears.  When I looked at what might have triggered the sadness, here is what I saw:  The sadness was there because I realized all the ways I hold myself back from showing this man who I really am – physically, emotionally and sexually.  I saw all the things I hadn’t been willing to do or say and all the moments where I hadn’t felt totally present when we were together.  I was sad for ‘missing out’ in those moments and suddenly afraid that I might never have the capacity to be completely vulnerable with a man in that way.  Whoa!  Where did all of that come from?  I then saw this as an opportunity and went searching for some shred of hope that could pull me up by my bootstraps and help me get back in the saddle.
Being Vulnerable
After the tears subsided, it became clear to me that what there was to do was open myself up and share my realization with Robert.  Taking the bull by the horns and facing my biggest fear seemed like the obvious and only action to take.  Before I could chicken out, I reached out to Robert and asked him to call me that evening when he was done with work.  A first step towards vulnerability.  I even shared with him that I had been crying on the drive home and assured him he had done nothing wrong and wasn’t in trouble, just that I needed something only he could provide.  Another step down the vulnerability path.  After taking those 2 bold steps, I can remember thinking that the fear I could feel in the pit of my stomach should surely subside now.  But it only got worse as I went over the things I wanted to make sure I shared with him and counted the hours and minutes before he called and I could experience relief.
The Great Big Round Up
I find it fascinating how our fears can get such a firm grip on us that we experience that fear as if it were real, even though nothing dangerous or harmful is happening to us in reality.  When fear takes hold, we only have 2 choices:  let the fear take us over or consciously choose reality by letting the fear go.  As soon as I chose reality (and my commitment to vulnerability), my breathing calmed, the anxious feeling in my stomach dissipated and a sense of peace washed over me.  The cavalry had come to my rescue and all of a sudden I couldn’t wait to talk to Robert.  What transpired when he called was one of the most open, intimate and raw conversations that I think we’ve ever had.  I shared with him about my fears of letting go completely when I’m with him and how that shows up in my not being able to share what I need or want with him in the moment.  I shared about my long-held insecurities around my body and what I really mean when I say that I lack sexual confidence and experience.  How that makes me feel inadequate.  The safe space that opened up inside of this conversation also made it possible to share with him something I was ashamed of and had been withholding from him out of my fear of being rejected.  He reciprocated in kindness by showing me nothing but compassion, love and understanding.
I’m clear that because I chose to be vulnerable that it opened up an entirely new realm of relating for us.  It gave us both permission to trust that we can go to those deeper levels and make it through to the other side.  It illuminates the capacity we have as human beings to profoundly relate to one another in a meaningful way when we are willing to let go of those baser instincts.  It also serves as a reminder to me that we all have the same fears and insecurities though they may show themselves in different ways.  The reality is that we are not separate in our human being-ness.  We can make a commitment to understand our differences and be compassionate with one another to begin to break down those barriers.  That is the glimmer of hope I see for a future of beautiful relationships that really work between men and women.

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