As promised in my last post, 5 Ways to Begin Living a ‘Turned On’ Life, we are diving in further to explore the Inner Seductress and the Good Girl. In fact, look for a couple more posts on this topic.
There comes a time in every woman’s life when she will inevitably ask herself the question about who she is out in the world. What kind of woman is she? What does she value, what does she believe in and who is she really. In fact, she will ask that question many times over until the answer becomes clearer and more certain. Then she will have become the Queen of her own realm.
Of course that journey won’t happen in the blink of a pretty eyelash or even over a long summer weekend. Over time and through doing the necessary internal work she will come to recognize that within her are a number of Inner Selves, each with a distinct personality and each created for a very specific purpose. And she will realize that they have something to teach her about who she is.
Even now you may recognize an inner voice that constantly tells you that you aren’t good enough or that you’ll never meet the right romantic partner. Yeah, you know her … she’s your Inner Critic (IC). She is quite prevalent (not to mention loud) in most of us. You may even know her by other names … Inner Bitch or maybe The Ideal Woman. Don’t worry … you are not alone. We all have an equally ‘unpleasant’ companion to accompany us on this journey called Life.
For the moment, I’m going to ask you to set aside your harsh judgements and pet names for her and just consider a different perspective. You don’t have to take this on like it’s the truth (because it isn’t), but just roll the idea around in your head for a little while and see if any of it resonates. Deal? Ok.
What if your IC was created out of necessity and for a given purpose? Suppose that she got created as a means of protecting a young, vulnerable girl. Your Vulnerable Child (VC). You can see how that might have gone down, right? Yourself as a small child gets yelled at by an adult when she spills chocolate milk down her best Sunday dress. She quickly learns to be careful and avoid confrontation. Her IC rises up, even in adulthood, and constantly reminds her to not disappoint or displease anyone. Can you see it?
Remember, no judgements here. Avoid putting a good or bad label on your IC or VC. They both just are. Period. Why should you even care, you may ask. Your IC has been running the show all this time, likely without your awareness. What?!? And that shit just ain’t OK! Well, it’s not OK if you are a person seeking her highest, truest (and juiciest) self.
It is a sign of great inner insecurity to be hostile to the unfamiliar. — Anais Nin (tweet this!)
To illustrate my point even further, I’d like us to sharpen our focus and look at 2 other inner selves: The Inner Seductress and the Good Girl. Oh yes, you know where I’m going with this!
One of these is more prevalent in each of us. But they both exist nonetheless. The challenge becomes how do we get to know the one we don’t know very well or maybe can’t relate to at all?
1. Have an honest-to-goodness sit down and get to know her. How does she feel about being the Inner Seductress (or the Good Girl)? What does she look like? (My Inner Seductress resembles the blond bombshell Bridget Bardot pictured above)
2. Get quiet and really listen to her. What messages does she have for you? What stories does she want to tell you?
3. Ask her what it is that she needs/wants. Does she need attention or time to come out and play? Does she want more pleasure or need to hear that she is loved exactly the way she is?
4. Make amends for anything that you can take responsibility for and mean it. Tell her how you will provide for her what she needs. Be specific and listen to her response. Was it favorable or does she actually need something else? Get clear and then make a promise.
5. Be your word. Do what you said you would do and report back. Keep that inner dialogue alive! And most of all, notice what changes. Do you experience more peace? More confidence? I’d love to hear from you so leave your comments below!
My spiritual teacher, Sara Avant Stover, likes to say that our inner selves are all members of our inner family. If we want to achieve sovereignty in our outer world, we must first gain sovereignty over our inner world. We must take on the role of parent to our inner selves. Just as each of us interacts and grows with our external family, we must also do the same with our inner family. The same rules of kindness, generosity, compassion and love apply.
Here’s what I’m thinking …
Inner World at Peace = Outer World at Peace.
Interesting theory, right?
Perhaps I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.
From my Juicy heart to yours,